yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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