We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have fence marks all over my body
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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