You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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