Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
