you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
