Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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