You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
