Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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