I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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