don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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