All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love accidental penises.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
