All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
