I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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