I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
