I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
