New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I could fuck to npr.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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