All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
