new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize