Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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