He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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