I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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