Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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