Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
