i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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