It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
