i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize