I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
