did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
