What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
