I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
