I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
