Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
