like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
