no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
