areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
