I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my poor anus
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
