Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Randomize
