Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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