Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
