Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
