hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
