There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
