He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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