you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
