remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
