worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
two words: eviction party
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
