I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
