It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
