I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize