her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
