and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
