"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
