she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
