like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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