smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
nutella sex= disaster
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
