every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize