Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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