but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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