sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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