Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
