I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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