My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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