never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
