She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
