Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
