Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize