I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
