I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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