You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
