and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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