WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
