I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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