wanna go halves on a baby?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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