You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
