I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
