OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
