Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
