Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
