I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
