just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
