I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
