sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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