the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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