don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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