Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I supernannyed him into submission
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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