I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
a search helicopter?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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