Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize