my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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