I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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