Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
