ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
