He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
