Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
