Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The uberlube is also flammable
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
