Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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