You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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