just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
